Holy SHEEEEEIITTTT!!!! your situation sounds exactly like mine since starting TRT ( I have been on over 12 years now)...... I know my memory and verbal/articulation skills have decreased noticeably to me since being on TRT.... and I have mild depression ( not suicidal, but just don't give a sh*t on things I used to enjoy) and my sleep sucks... I haven't had a full 8 hours sleep (let alone 3 hours) in over 10 years, it's all broken sleep and I never feel refreshed. I have tried preg, prog, dhea, different injection schedules, different esters (prop, cyp, prop/cyp) and never ever felt dialed in and/or good. I've tried thyroid supplementation to help raise my low SHBG (WHich it does) but it doesn't translate into any noticeable benefits. I'm just tired of chasing my tail in circles... smdh
How high/low did you go with your protocols in terms of mg/week? How long did you stay on a single protocol before moving on?
I'm asking because re-reading some of my old journal notes recently reminded me I used to feel very good in some ways on higher dosages of Cyp a few months after I started TRT.
My first relatively successful protocol was 160mg/week in E3.5D injections. Unfortunately after 3 months of that protocol my BP shot up really high and I changed protocols because I'd been having 24/7 headaches for 3 weeks before I realized my BP was in severe hypertension territory.
I'm almost certain it was from water retention, whether due to high T or E or both, as I was really bloated. I don't know whether it would've gone away if I'd given it a little more time or had been better about hydrating myself, really leaning out and doing more cardio, but my BP was high enough that I didn't want to risk staying there longer.
After that I lowered my dose to 18mg/day and never felt good again except very sporadically when changing protocols. Tried creams (scrotal and non-scrotal), different esters, etc...
Recently I tried 50mg E3.5D (100mg/week) of Test Cyp again and felt good for the first 3 weeks or so before it started going down and I started feeling like shit again (zero drive to do anything, not even work out). I bailed after 6 weeks, but maybe that was too early.
Going through some old posting history on different forums it seems some guys ended up having great success by pushing through the feeling like shit period and starting to feel progressively better around the 8-10 week mark, before feeling consistently great eventually.
However their patter seems to be: feeling bad...bad....bad....bad...bad...not horrible...decent...pretty good...really good....amazing. There's a clear trend up.
My experience has typically been: feeling pretty good...really good...great...great...not so good...pretty bad...absolutely fucking horrible.
I'm just not sure it's realistic to expect a change of trend after that, but I'll give it another shot. Try either twice/week at a relatively high dose below 160mg/week, something like 140mg/week. Or same dose but daily injections, and this time wait it out for at least 3-4 months, see what happens