How to Recover from Porn Addiction and Save Your Marriage

[Andy Peloquin]

There's no doubt about it: porn has caused a desensitization of the modern generations. What was once taboo (nudity and sex) is now so commonplace as to be almost considered "normal". People of all ages can get their hands on an incredibly wide variety of pornographic materials, even things that were once highly taboo.

Many men will argue that an interest in porn is normal and natural, but there is such a thing as "too much". Up to 10% of U.S. adults admit to Internet sexual addiction, but only 28% of those people are women. Men tend to have a far higher likelihood of becoming addicted to porn, and experts believe that porn addiction is on the rise.

Signs of a Porn Addiction

How can you tell if you are or are becoming addicted to porn? Here are a few of the telltale signs:

- Excessive amounts of time spent watching porn (days or hours)
- Intense feelings of shame, depression, and isolation
- Loss of interest in non-porn activities (work, family activities, etc.)
- Legal and financial issues caused by porn use
- Sexual dysfunction with real-world partners, including ED, inability to reach orgasm, or delayed ejaculation
- Physical injury resulting from excessive masturbation
- Drug or alcohol abuse combined with porn

There are many more symptoms to look out for, but these are the primary signs that you are addicted to porn.

What Can You Do About It?

If you find yourself struggling with a porn addiction, you may feel like there is no hope. Addiction is a truly terrifying monster, one that will take all of your willpower to defeat. But it can be done! Here are a few steps you can take to recover from porn addiction and save your marriage:

Stop Using it as a Comfort -- Just like alcoholics drink or drug addicts take drugs when they feel angry, frustrated, stressed, or sad, porn addicts turn to porn. You have to find a new coping mechanism, one that doesn't involve porn. Try exercise, cooking, cleaning, social activities, recreation--literally anything that gets you away from porn and helps you to cope with your problems.

Don't Obsess -- You may find yourself thinking a lot about wanting to watch porn, but obsessing over the fact that you CAN'T. But that's allowing the addiction to rule your life, just in a different way. Instead, you have to stop thinking about porn completely. Focus on every other aspect of your life, and let the unimportant (porn) fade into the background.

Take Porn Off the Table -- For many people, porn is never a problem because they don't allow themselves to use it. Take porn "off the table" as an activity, and live your life as if it never existed in the first place. If you don't let yourself consider it as an option for enjoyment or sexual release, you will have an easier time controlling your urges.

Get Away from Temptation -- Out of sight, out of mind! Electronics are just one source of temptation for the porn-addicted, but there are many more: bookstores, magazine stands, even billboard ads! There are many things you can't avoid, but do your best to stay away from the things you can. If that means cutting your internet service and living offline for a few months, do it! It may be the only way to get your habits under control.

Understand "Why" -- Why do you watch porn? If it's to spice up your sex life with your partner, it may not be a bad thing. But if you do it compulsively or because you feel you "need" to, it's crossing a line. But why is there that need or compulsion? What makes it so important to you? Understanding the "why" of it all can help you to take steps to adjust your mindset and attitudes toward porn.

Have a Stick and Carrot -- There has to be a reason for you to WANT to avoid porn, not just doing it because you HAVE to. You need both the stick (consequence) and carrot (incentive) if you're going to succeed at quitting. You'll never make it if you're always chastising yourself without giving yourself a reward for all the progress you do make.

Get Help -- You're not alone in this fight! Your spouse is there to help you, and you can even bring friends and family in to help as well. It may be humiliating to admit this particular problem, but it's vital to do so if you're going to succeed. You need those checks and balances provided by the people around you. Overcoming this addiction isn't something you'll be able to do alone, so get help from the people in your life!

Try Therapy -- Therapy is not a solution for everyone, but anyone who goes into therapy with an open mind and a willingness to change/improve stands a very real chance of success. Therapy won't "cure" you, but it will help you to understand the "why" of your addiction. The more you learn about yourself and the reasons why you make the choices you do, the easier it will be to take steps to correct your attitudes and choices.

Join an Online Community -- Sites like NoFap are intended to help you overcome your addiction through interaction with other people fighting the same fight. You can find advice on how to cut yourself off, tips on how to limit contact with potentially pornographic materials, inspiration to help you stay motivated, and friends to help you through the struggle. These online communities can be an immensely valuable resource to people who are dealing with addiction of any sort.

The truth is that overcoming a porn addiction is VERY hard work. It's going to take months or even years until you are fully "recovered", and even then it will always be a weakness. But you've taken the right first step to overcoming the addiction, and you have the strength to keep going. Believe in yourself and you WILL succeed!

 

[Nelson Vergel]

An often ignored cause of ED

Gary Wilson asks whether our brains evolved to handle the hyperstimulation of today's Internet enticements. He also discusses the disturbing symptoms showing up in some heavy Internet users, the surprising reversal of those symptoms, and the science behind these 21st century phenomena.

Read more at: An often ignored cause of ED

 

[James]

The best thing I did to increase both the quantity and quality of my erections was to significantly reduce the amount of porn I was watching. I agree that it's an often ignored cause of ED. Guys rarely want to talk about it.

 

[PAUL-E]

 

[Vince]

After reading these posts and watching the YouTube video, I decided I'm going to stop masturbating and no longer watch porn. And see what effect it has on my quality of sex.

 

[Nelson Vergel]

I only do it when I am too horny and have too much work to do, so I want a quick relief LOL But I agree that it can be highly addictive and we actually become lazy and conditioned to a quick release. This hurts relationships unless you are watching porn with your sex partner.

I am concerned about young men and boys. I was watching a show on porn addiction and many of the men now in their twenties grew up experiencing hard core porn since they were 8 years of age!

 

[PAUL-E]

I only do it when I am too horny and have too much work to do, so I want a quick relief LOL But I agree that it can be highly addictive and we actually become lazy and conditioned to a quick release. This hurts relationships unless you are watching porn with your sex partner.

I am concerned about young men and boys. I was watching a show on porn addiction and many of the men now in their twenties grew up experiencing hard core porn since they were 8 years of age!

Me more so when its that time of the month for the wife. This is an issue I can see, first let me say I love my wife and think she is very pretty we have been together over 10 years and have 3 kids and I'm very happy with that... now to the point I feel that overstimulation and pornography can set unrealistic expectations making ones spouse/partner less sexually attractive for example compare a 60 year old to an 18 year old kind of thing.

 

[Vince Carter]

All I take this as is the latest route the anti-porn crowd has found to demonize it, pouncing on the ED issues where men are very vulnerable. There's so many, like a 100, different things men are doing, not doing, and taking (meds) that can contribute to ED, it's just the latest thing to blame. And calling it an addiction, versus a compulsive behavior, only seeks to absolve some one of their personal behavior. "It's an addiction so I'm not responsible for my behavior...", that sort of thing. As if someone stops fapping to porn and magically their penis is so hard it's shiny tipped, and so supersensitive and their in love all over again with their partner...I'm being facetious about it but there's an agenda there and item #1 is not to restore your penis or your relationship(s).

 

[Weasel]

I've never experience anxiety like i did after I quit masturbating. Almost debilitating at times. I also got ED after I quit masturbating. I believe it has/had to do with my reward center being jacked up.

I still experience some ED when I go a week or so without sex. After a week without sex, morning wood is non-existent and it takes physical stimulation to achieve an erection. Wear as otherwise just the thought of a hot girl would get me hard.

I began this journey in 2014. and still feel the after effects to this day.

 

[PAUL-E]

I agree that we should all be responsible for our behavior and don't put blame solely on porn but I do think it is one of many factors, stress also being big one.

 

[Vince]

I'm going to try to struggle through my personal study, and see how it affects my sex life.

 

[Jon H]

Vince Carter - Great post (and funny as well). Personally, I view porn simply as a very enjoyable activity...nothing more. When I feel like watching porn I don't feel anything negative about it. I think it's fantastic! I might go weeks without it, but when I want it....I want it. Yeah, like any other highly-enjoyable activity, overdoing it can negatively affect your life. In moderation I think it's one of the best things ever.

Demonizing porn is like demonizing alcohol. If someone doesn't have self control over the activity then they should stop. For those that do have self control there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

[Work4life]

Going through this website beyond testasterone Issues and found this thread and was shocked. I have viewed pornography since I was a kid. When I was young it was replacing not having a sexual partner, when I was dating and then married I used it as an alternative source to feed my hyper sexualityduring the times my partners were unavailable. And later in life up to now with little to no sexual activity with my spouse ,that I attributed to natural aging and long marriage, I have used porn daily beyond just gratification but also as a tool to prove to myself that I have the same healthy libedo that I did in my twenties. While we are not in our 60's.(.as Paul-E put it.).could my constant seeking relief by viewing those 18 yr old fems somehow be causing the lack of libedo when it comes to my wife?

 

[trt4me]

i agree with all angles here.
First Porn can make you have unrealistic expectations of sex in many ways because we are not reminded these people are paid, women usually are not enjoying it and other reasons. Look at porn from 20 years to today, changed drastically.
For a marriage, too many times one partner becomes lazy to the other and it creates an issue.
TV alone has made us expect the perfect body from everyone.
These things set exceptions in the brain and thus we feel let down or bored with a normal sexual experience so there is no reason for dopamine to get elevated. The brain waiting for the threesome with women with perfect or artificial body's do things that most wont.
Also I believe that circumcision rates peaked around the 80s and that doesn't help as one gets older.
I don't think "no fap" is as good as "normal fap" Also death grip is real.

Add in some hormone issues (more and more yound men in need of trt) side effects from meds and there you go.
Many women's personalities have changed too, "i don't need a man x10" isn't attractive to most men.

 

[midlifealpha]

I wonder if this is my problem. Back before the weight loss, and subsequent getting on TRT and developing at least some muscle mass to where I could attract women. I had masturbated daily. Sometimes a couple of times a day. Always with the death grip never using lube or anything.

The NoFap thing is just hard. ED is not at all an issue, but having orgasms with a woman is. Once in a great while I do. but more often than not I don't and end up finishing with my hand while she helps. And of course the woman feels like it's their fault.

I'd thought maybe it was lack of sensitivity with everything I'm taking. Should we modify nofap with using one of those devices that simulates the real thing?

Not that I am terribly proud of this but there is a lady I paid for once in a great while after befriending her when she was in the midst of a domestic dispute. She is a professional of course haha, and she always gets me off with BJ. I've seen her at least 8 times that I can remember (been a while) but only one time did I finish with my hand. Also two different girls nearly 20 years younger than me both got me off in two separate occasions. But some can't seem too no matter what.

 

[Weasel]

I wonder if this is my problem. Back before the weight loss, and subsequent getting on TRT and developing at least some muscle mass to where I could attract women. I had masturbated daily. Sometimes a couple of times a day. Always with the death grip never using lube or anything.

The NoFap thing is just hard. ED is not at all an issue, but having orgasms with a woman is. Once in a great while I do. but more often than not I don't and end up finishing with my hand while she helps. And of course the woman feels like it's their fault.

I'd thought maybe it was lack of sensitivity with everything I'm taking. Should we modify nofap with using one of those devices that simulates the real thing?

Not that I am terribly proud of this but there is a lady I paid for once in a great while after befriending her when she was in the midst of a domestic dispute. She is a professional of course haha, and she always gets me off with BJ. I've seen her at least 8 times that I can remember (been a while) but only one time did I finish with my hand. Also two different girls nearly 20 years younger than me both got me off in two separate occasions. But some can't seem too no matter what.

And I was just the opposite, I always masturbated quickly, i spose subconsciously to avoid being caught. This lead to Premature ejaculation with the real thing. Still a battle to this day but getting better i think.

I also think porn but more importantly just masturbating in general kept me from having any real relationships in my younger years. Simply because I didn't need them to be satisfied.

 

[PAUL-E]

I think the issue has a strong relationship to dopamine release or lack there of nelson posted this Using Dopamine Supplements to Hack Motivation: the Neurobiology of Ambition

 

[Weasel]

I think the issue has a strong relationship to dopamine release or lack there of nelson posted this https://www.excelmale.com/forum/sho...-Hack-Motivation-the-Neurobiology-of-Ambition

I agree PaulE.

I honestly think everything from my ED issues to my depressed feelings are Dopamine related.

 

[trt4me]

fix it

I wonder if this is my problem. Back before the weight loss, and subsequent getting on TRT and developing at least some muscle mass to where I could attract women. I had masturbated daily. Sometimes a couple of times a day. Always with the death grip never using lube or anything.

The NoFap thing is just hard. ED is not at all an issue, but having orgasms with a woman is. Once in a great while I do. but more often than not I don't and end up finishing with my hand while she helps. And of course the woman feels like it's their fault.

I'd thought maybe it was lack of sensitivity with everything I'm taking. Should we modify nofap with using one of those devices that simulates the real thing?

Not that I am terribly proud of this but there is a lady I paid for once in a great while after befriending her when she was in the midst of a domestic dispute. She is a professional of course haha, and she always gets me off with BJ. I've seen her at least 8 times that I can remember (been a while) but only one time did I finish with my hand. Also two different girls nearly 20 years younger than me both got me off in two separate occasions. But some can't seem too no matter what.

Death grip without lube or even with = bad. You've gotten used to the pressure than no woman's vagina can replicate and will not do with her mouth or hand unless instructed because she would think you would get hurt. That s the primary reason you cant get off with a regular woman, (a"pro" is different). The 20 year younger girls just made your libidio climb high and make your brain get a new high.

NO FAP I dont think is best cure because you need to use it or lose it, its the intense technique youve used. If your cut, just makes it worst.

I can tell you what helps.
No death grip and use different methods like opposite hand.use as little pressure as possible, if a fleshlight is tighter than your typical woman (and it is) then it wont help, may be better though because your own hand not involved.
No porn, your brain will get used to the imagery, situations and such that you are not going to get in REAL life.

Yes I do think you have lowered your sensitivity but its not permanent.
Get a "skin cone" from the tlc tugger site. It helps and is cheap and easy.

 

[PAUL-E]

Death grip without lube or even with = bad. You've gotten used to the pressure than no woman's vagina can replicate and will not do with her mouth or hand unless instructed because she would think you would get hurt. That s the primary reason you cant get off with a regular woman, (a"pro" is different). The 20 year younger girls just made your libidio climb high and make your brain get a new high.

NO FAP I dont think is best cure because you need to use it or lose it, its the intense technique youve used. If your cut, just makes it worst.

I can tell you what helps.
No death grip and use different methods like opposite hand.use as little pressure as possible, if a fleshlight is tighter than your typical woman (and it is) then it wont help, may be better though because your own hand not involved.
No porn, your brain will get used to the imagery, situations and such that you are not going to get in REAL life.

Yes I do think you have lowered your sensitivity but its not permanent.
Get a "skin cone" from the tlc tugger site. It helps and is cheap and easy.

Do you know if that works if your circumcised ?
never mind it says foreskin restoration: is the process of expanding the skin on the penis in an effort to regain the functional benefits of the foreskin, which may have been removed by circumcision.