How to Recover from Porn Addiction and Save Your Marriage

There's no doubt about it: porn has caused a desensitization of the modern generations. What was once taboo (nudity and sex) is now so commonplace as to be almost considered "normal". People of all ages can get their hands on an incredibly wide variety of pornographic materials, even things that were once highly taboo.

Many men will argue that an interest in porn is normal and natural, but there is such a thing as "too much". Up to 10% of U.S. adults admit to Internet sexual addiction, but only 28% of those people are women. Men tend to have a far higher likelihood of becoming addicted to porn, and experts believe that porn addiction is on the rise.

Signs of a Porn Addiction

How can you tell if you are or are becoming addicted to porn? Here are a few of the telltale signs:

- Excessive amounts of time spent watching porn (days or hours)
- Intense feelings of shame, depression, and isolation
- Loss of interest in non-porn activities (work, family activities, etc.)
- Legal and financial issues caused by porn use
- Sexual dysfunction with real-world partners, including ED, inability to reach orgasm, or delayed ejaculation
- Physical injury resulting from excessive masturbation
- Drug or alcohol abuse combined with porn

There are many more symptoms to look out for, but these are the primary signs that you are addicted to porn.

What Can You Do About It?

If you find yourself struggling with a porn addiction, you may feel like there is no hope. Addiction is a truly terrifying monster, one that will take all of your willpower to defeat. But it can be done! Here are a few steps you can take to recover from porn addiction and save your marriage:

Stop Using it as a Comfort -- Just like alcoholics drink or drug addicts take drugs when they feel angry, frustrated, stressed, or sad, porn addicts turn to porn. You have to find a new coping mechanism, one that doesn't involve porn. Try exercise, cooking, cleaning, social activities, recreation--literally anything that gets you away from porn and helps you to cope with your problems.

Don't Obsess -- You may find yourself thinking a lot about wanting to watch porn, but obsessing over the fact that you CAN'T. But that's allowing the addiction to rule your life, just in a different way. Instead, you have to stop thinking about porn completely. Focus on every other aspect of your life, and let the unimportant (porn) fade into the background.

Take Porn Off the Table -- For many people, porn is never a problem because they don't allow themselves to use it. Take porn "off the table" as an activity, and live your life as if it never existed in the first place. If you don't let yourself consider it as an option for enjoyment or sexual release, you will have an easier time controlling your urges.

Get Away from Temptation -- Out of sight, out of mind! Electronics are just one source of temptation for the porn-addicted, but there are many more: bookstores, magazine stands, even billboard ads! There are many things you can't avoid, but do your best to stay away from the things you can. If that means cutting your internet service and living offline for a few months, do it! It may be the only way to get your habits under control.

Understand "Why" -- Why do you watch porn? If it's to spice up your sex life with your partner, it may not be a bad thing. But if you do it compulsively or because you feel you "need" to, it's crossing a line. But why is there that need or compulsion? What makes it so important to you? Understanding the "why" of it all can help you to take steps to adjust your mindset and attitudes toward porn.

Have a Stick and Carrot -- There has to be a reason for you to WANT to avoid porn, not just doing it because you HAVE to. You need both the stick (consequence) and carrot (incentive) if you're going to succeed at quitting. You'll never make it if you're always chastising yourself without giving yourself a reward for all the progress you do make.

Get Help -- You're not alone in this fight! Your spouse is there to help you, and you can even bring friends and family in to help as well. It may be humiliating to admit this particular problem, but it's vital to do so if you're going to succeed. You need those checks and balances provided by the people around you. Overcoming this addiction isn't something you'll be able to do alone, so get help from the people in your life!

Try Therapy -- Therapy is not a solution for everyone, but anyone who goes into therapy with an open mind and a willingness to change/improve stands a very real chance of success. Therapy won't "cure" you, but it will help you to understand the "why" of your addiction. The more you learn about yourself and the reasons why you make the choices you do, the easier it will be to take steps to correct your attitudes and choices.

Join an Online Community -- Sites like NoFap are intended to help you overcome your addiction through interaction with other people fighting the same fight. You can find advice on how to cut yourself off, tips on how to limit contact with potentially pornographic materials, inspiration to help you stay motivated, and friends to help you through the struggle. These online communities can be an immensely valuable resource to people who are dealing with addiction of any sort.

The truth is that overcoming a porn addiction is VERY hard work. It's going to take months or even years until you are fully "recovered", and even then it will always be a weakness. But you've taken the right first step to overcoming the addiction, and you have the strength to keep going. Believe in yourself and you WILL succeed!

 

And I was just the opposite, I always masturbated quickly, i spose subconsciously to avoid being caught. This lead to Premature ejaculation with the real thing. Still a battle to this day but getting better i think.

I also think porn but more importantly just masturbating in general kept me from having any real relationships in my younger years. Simply because I didn't need them to be satisfied.

I think there is a funny and a serious way, it's there in that you can find true freedom. I kind of struggle with the idea, seeing guys, that are tied to some magic thing called a Vag when you can easily replicate that with the kung-fu grip.

 

Btw great post Vince Carter.

Please forgive my ignorance since I'm ***. I'm not familiar with str8 sex other then seeing it on porn.
But very familiar with sex with men.

It seems to me that some women might need some help understanding on how the male body works or perhaps therapy so they don't feel is their fault. It's no one's fault if your partner is having a hard time getting off and definitely not to take it personally. I'm sure there are women out there that understand this. Perhaps showing her what body triggers you have might be a good start. Also you can learn what get's her off too. Make it fun.

Not all guys are created equal. One way to reach orgasm doesn't fit all sizes. What gets us off is very individualized and probably set at a very young age.

My concern with the death grip is damage to the penis. You can create scar tissue and give you self peyronie's
Something you don't want.

I wonder if this is my problem. Back before the weight loss, and subsequent getting on TRT and developing at least some muscle mass to where I could attract women. I had masturbated daily. Sometimes a couple of times a day. Always with the death grip never using lube or anything.

The NoFap thing is just hard. ED is not at all an issue, but having orgasms with a woman is. Once in a great while I do. but more often than not I don't and end up finishing with my hand while she helps. And of course the woman feels like it's their fault.

I'd thought maybe it was lack of sensitivity with everything I'm taking. Should we modify nofap with using one of those devices that simulates the real thing?

Not that I am terribly proud of this but there is a lady I paid for once in a great while after befriending her when she was in the midst of a domestic dispute. She is a professional of course haha, and she always gets me off with BJ. I've seen her at least 8 times that I can remember (been a while) but only one time did I finish with my hand. Also two different girls nearly 20 years younger than me both got me off in two separate occasions. But some can't seem too no matter what.

 

I did not ejaculate for 5 days, and sex is better if I ejaculate at least once a daily or more.

 

I did not ejaculate for 5 days, and sex is better if I ejaculate at least once a daily or more.

I wonder if we should use one of those devices that simulates a vagina.

 

All I take this as is the latest route the anti-porn crowd has found to demonize it, pouncing on the ED issues where men are very vulnerable. There's so many, like a 100, different things men are doing, not doing, and taking (meds) that can contribute to ED, it's just the latest thing to blame. And calling it an addiction, versus a compulsive behavior, only seeks to absolve some one of their personal behavior. "It's an addiction so I'm not responsible for my behavior...", that sort of thing. As if someone stops fapping to porn and magically their penis is so hard it's shiny tipped, and so supersensitive and their in love all over again with their partner...I'm being facetious about it but there's an agenda there and item #1 is not to restore your penis or your relationship(s).

Totally agree with this post.

I have also seen studies that debunked all of this and stated that men had just as a normal sex life when they watched porn versus those that don't.

I've watched porn my entire life and it has had not one negative effect on my life.

Bullshit in my opinion and there are underlying purposes here...

 

I wonder if we should use one of those devices that simulates a vagina.

IMO I would say once in a while but not every time due to possible desensitization as with everything I think there is a healthy amount and then there's over doing it

 

Creo q es dificil pero no inposible

 

Totally agree with this post.

I have also seen studies that debunked all of this and stated that men had just as a normal sex life when they watched porn versus those that don't.

I've watched porn my entire life and it has had not one negative effect on my life.

Bullshit in my opinion and there are underlying purposes here...

to watch P**n in a limit is good but it shouldn't exceed much....

 

I totally agree, when it becames "too much", it causes some problems. That's true, that porn creates unrealistic expectations and can damage sex life.

 

You know you recognize yourself, you admit to yourself that you are addicted to porn, it's gonna be hardest. In such kind of situation, you can express your thought with your nearest one would be wise.

 

les voy a ser sincero , le acabo de preguntar a mi esposa si le molestarÃ*a que yo fuera adicto al porno y definitivamente me dijo que no, para nada , que le aburrirÃ*a en tal caso si que estuviera siempre pendiente de una porno pero que normal si a mi me gusta cual es el problema . como les dije no soy adicto al porno , pero no veo nada de malo en ello , es mucho peor estar alcoholizado y mucho peor ser drogadicto !!!

 

Porn addiction is one of the worst addictions a man (or a woman for that matter) can experience in my opinion. And yes, it can have a seriously negative impact on a relationship as it reduces sex drive since you're always sexually fed so to speak.

Thankfully, the Lord's grace is sufficient and with His help, I'm now free of porn and masturbation since 2016. I've mentioned the Lord because it's truly a miracle that I was able to achieve this.

Before that I was constantly lusting over images and videos of all kinds of women and it felt like I was a prisoner of this lifestyle. It was pretty much a habit for me to open my browser (or from my phone) and start looking for fresh material to lust after.

But yeah, this is some serious stuff guys. Pray for help as this is an addiction, just like being addicted to gambling or alcohol. Quitting porn is no joke so I pray God gives you the strength to free yourself from the chains of this awful sin.

 

I mostly don't care for internet porn, it's kind of boring to me. For me, if I want to masturbate, my internal mental imagery is much most arousing. I mentally conjure up the most sexy past experiences. Or mentally plan out what I want to do in the future.

The only time I had an interest in internet porn was when my libido was insanely high and I had no woman that was available to have sex with, at least not within a reasonable amount of time. When i was 58 my libido was out of control, I did have sex 5 times (with a woman) in a day, 2-3 times a day most other days. Even 75 year old friends of my mother started to look sexy. But still, it was tough to find porn that was interesting enough to watch more than once. 90% of the situations portrayed in porn I wouldn't recreate in a real life sexual episode. Funny, I was so out of control I spent over $1000 just on sex toys. Porn IMO is shot to show the audience cum shots or uncomfortable positions, while in real life sex that isn't a turn on for me. I know some men may like that in real life (cum shot), but to me it's more like masturbation.

My introduction to porn was books when I was, I don't know, maybe 14? Man with a maid, Story of O, a few books like that. But I haven't read porn since I was a teen, though I did re-read man with a maid since it's now a free PDF online. Perhaps if i first watched internet porn as my first sexual experience I would have been more interested later in life. But I am not particularly interested in finding porn books now days.

masturbation for me is like a subsistence diet, it's better than boring sex / no sex but not even close to a really good real life sexual experience.

I don't discount that some men may have an addiction with real life negative consequences, I recall the story of a government worker watching porn for up to six hours a day for several years.

 

Pornography Addiction: An Exploration of the Association Between Use, Perceived Addiction, Erectile Dysfunction, Premature (Early) Ejaculation, and Sexual Satisfaction in Males Aged 18-44 Years.​

ABSTRACT

Introduction

The way men consume pornography changed over the last decade, with increased numbers of men presenting with self-perceived Internet pornography (IP) addiction and related sexual dysfunction. A lack of consensus and formal recognition in the DSM-5 lead to a variety of definitions of IP addiction. Currently, the majority of evidence linking IP addiction and sexual dysfunction was derived from consumers, case studies, and qualitative research. Where empirical measures were used, researchers found mixed outcomes in sexual response. Inconclusive data appeared to relate to the conflation of IP use and self-perceived IP addiction, and normal variations in sexual response with clinical diagnosis of sexual dysfunction. Thus, further empirical clarification is required to assess the impact of both IP use and self-perceived IP addiction, on men's sexual function.

Aims
This study has 3 aims: First, to assess if there is an association between IP use alone and erectile dysfunction (ED), premature (early) ejaculation (EE) and sexual satisfaction (SS); Second, to assess whether there is an association between self-perceived IP addiction and ED, EE and SS. Third, to assess whether IP use or self-perceived IP addiction uniquely predicts ED, EE, SS in men.

Method
Correlation and regression analysis was conducted on a cross-sectional sample of 942 heterosexual men aged 18-44 years who participated in an online survey sourced from Reddit IP subgroups.

Main Outcome Measures
Cyber-Pornography Use Inventory; International Index Erectile Dysfunction; The Checklist for Early Ejaculation Symptoms; New Sexual Satisfaction Scale; Depression Anxiety Stress Scale-21.

Results
There was no evidence for an association between IP use with ED, EE, or SS. However, there were small to moderate positive correlations between self-perceived IP addiction and ED, EE and sexual dissatisfaction. Further, self-perceived IP addiction uniquely predicted increased ED, EE and individual sexual dissatisfaction. Contrary to expectations, self-perceived IP addiction did not predict sexual dissatisfaction with one's sexual partner.

Conclusion
These results suggest that IP use alone does not predict sexual dysfunction. Rather, self-perception of increased IP addiction was related to negative sexual outcomes. Thus, we concluded that subjective interpretation of ones IP use was a contributor to IP related sexual problems in our sample of males who share IP on social media sites. We recommend that clinicians consider self-perceived IP addiction as a possible contributing factor to sexual dysfunction. Whelan G, Brown J. Pornography Addiction: An Exploration of the Association Between Perceived Addiction, Erectile Dysfunction, Premature (Early) Ejaculation, and Sexual Satisfaction in Males Aged 18-44 Years. J Sex Med 2021

Source

 

After reading these posts and watching the YouTube video, I decided I'm going to stop masturbating and no longer watch porn. And see what effect it has on my quality of sex.

how often do you do it

 

Vince Carter - Great post (and funny as well). Personally, I view porn simply as a very enjoyable activity...nothing more. When I feel like watching porn I don't feel anything negative about it. I think it's fantastic! I might go weeks without it, but when I want it....I want it. Yeah, like any other highly-enjoyable activity, overdoing it can negatively affect your life. In moderation I think it's one of the best things ever.

Demonizing porn is like demonizing alcohol. If someone doesn't have self control over the activity then they should stop. For those that do have self control there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I think the same way. Issue of moderation