Fellas and Ladies I need some advice

Stugotsv10 · 2025-04-23T12:12:49-0500

So I would not call myself "dominant" per say but surely not submissive.

So I been with my girl for 5 years, she was mis treated by ex's sooo I try to make up for that, I spoil her, do everything for her humanly possible shes a great girl and deserves every bit of it.

BUT.. in that accommodating ive felt maybe I have become a little simp ish, shes passed comments like "just take the lead" type thing. example going out to eat, I want to get her what shes wants (im selfless like that lol) so I say "what do you feel like" so thats not taking the lead... but what if I wanna go somewhere she has no interest in lol

How do I find a happy medium? I wanna do for her, I wanna spoil her, I Wanna cater to her but I also wanna take the lead and as the call "dominant" but never cross the line to bring up old feelings of how she WAS treated either so I need to walk a fine line!!!! what do you all suggest?

Vince · 2025-04-23T12:15:25-0500

Sounds like she's not the right one for you.

JmAch · 2025-04-23T12:21:18-0500

Here's a fun "trick" for those dinner situations.....just say "Hey honey, I'm going to take us to dinner- it's a surprise destination, but I want you to take three guesses as to where it may be, see if you can get it right, because I bet you won't". They love a challenge to prove us wrong, and the first place she says...well, there's your answer as to where she WANTS to go! Plus two others on her list....works like a charm!

Stugotsv10 · 2025-04-23T12:29:24-0500

I HAVE seen that on reel!!

Stugotsv10 · 2025-04-23T12:30:05-0500

Vince said:
Sounds like she's not the right one for you.

shes 100% the one!!! its just ME I wanna cater more then I ever have to make up for her past

Stugotsv10 · 2025-04-23T13:04:34-0500

Chick made my hard ass a softee which is not easy to do lol

FunkOdyssey · 2025-04-23T13:09:41-0500

Stugotsv10 said:
So I been with my girl for 5 years, she was mis treated by ex's sooo I try to make up for that, I spoil her, do everything for her humanly possible shes a great girl and deserves every bit of it.

BUT.. in that accommodating ive felt maybe I have become a little simp ish, shes passed comments like "just take the lead" type thing.

If you've reached the point where your girl is actually coming out and verbally saying that you need to take the lead, you are deep into simp territory and you need to course correct.

Stugotsv10 said:
example going out to eat, I want to get her what shes wants (im selfless like that lol) so I say "what do you feel like" so thats not taking the lead... but what if I wanna go somewhere she has no interest in lol

In this example, it is up to you to propose somewhere to go. She'll either agree with your idea, or say she's not in the mood for that, in which case you come up with an alternative. Do not leave it to her to be creative, come up with all of the options, and also decide among them. You think that is respecting her, but it is actually putting a burden on her that she does not want and which is supposed to be your responsibility.

Stugotsv10 said:
How do I find a happy medium? I wanna do for her, I wanna spoil her, I Wanna cater to her but I also wanna take the lead and as the call "dominant" but never cross the line to bring up old feelings of how she WAS treated either so I need to walk a fine line!!!! what do you all suggest?

The problem here is that a self-respecting man would not constantly subordinate his desires to please someone else - that is the behavior of a low-value male and it is a huge turn-off to women. Stop walking on eggshells trying not to "trigger old feelings", this is undermining your confidence and exaggerating the simp behavior.

You want to be fair, you want to compromise and find common ground in terms of places you go and how you spend time together, but in the end, you need to take the lead like she's telling you to. Shoulder the burden; it is yours to bear.