Fellas and Ladies I need some advice

Stugotsv10 · Wednesday at 12:12 PM

So I would not call myself "dominant" per say but surely not submissive.

So I been with my girl for 5 years, she was mis treated by ex's sooo I try to make up for that, I spoil her, do everything for her humanly possible shes a great girl and deserves every bit of it.

BUT.. in that accommodating ive felt maybe I have become a little simp ish, shes passed comments like "just take the lead" type thing. example going out to eat, I want to get her what shes wants (im selfless like that lol) so I say "what do you feel like" so thats not taking the lead... but what if I wanna go somewhere she has no interest in lol

How do I find a happy medium? I wanna do for her, I wanna spoil her, I Wanna cater to her but I also wanna take the lead and as the call "dominant" but never cross the line to bring up old feelings of how she WAS treated either so I need to walk a fine line!!!! what do you all suggest?

Vince · Wednesday at 12:15 PM

Sounds like she's not the right one for you.

JmAch · Wednesday at 12:21 PM

Here's a fun "trick" for those dinner situations.....just say "Hey honey, I'm going to take us to dinner- it's a surprise destination, but I want you to take three guesses as to where it may be, see if you can get it right, because I bet you won't". They love a challenge to prove us wrong, and the first place she says...well, there's your answer as to where she WANTS to go! Plus two others on her list....works like a charm!

Stugotsv10 · Wednesday at 12:29 PM

I HAVE seen that on reel!!

Stugotsv10 · Wednesday at 12:30 PM

Vince said:
Sounds like she's not the right one for you.

shes 100% the one!!! its just ME I wanna cater more then I ever have to make up for her past

Stugotsv10 · Wednesday at 1:04 PM

Chick made my hard ass a softee which is not easy to do lol

FunkOdyssey · Wednesday at 1:09 PM

Stugotsv10 said:
So I been with my girl for 5 years, she was mis treated by ex's sooo I try to make up for that, I spoil her, do everything for her humanly possible shes a great girl and deserves every bit of it.

BUT.. in that accommodating ive felt maybe I have become a little simp ish, shes passed comments like "just take the lead" type thing.

If you've reached the point where your girl is actually coming out and verbally saying that you need to take the lead, you are deep into simp territory and you need to course correct.

Stugotsv10 said:
example going out to eat, I want to get her what shes wants (im selfless like that lol) so I say "what do you feel like" so thats not taking the lead... but what if I wanna go somewhere she has no interest in lol

In this example, it is up to you to propose somewhere to go. She'll either agree with your idea, or say she's not in the mood for that, in which case you come up with an alternative. Do not leave it to her to be creative, come up with all of the options, and also decide among them. You think that is respecting her, but it is actually putting a burden on her that she does not want and which is supposed to be your responsibility.

Stugotsv10 said:
How do I find a happy medium? I wanna do for her, I wanna spoil her, I Wanna cater to her but I also wanna take the lead and as the call "dominant" but never cross the line to bring up old feelings of how she WAS treated either so I need to walk a fine line!!!! what do you all suggest?

The problem here is that a self-respecting man would not constantly subordinate his desires to please someone else - that is the behavior of a low-value male and it is a huge turn-off to women. Stop walking on eggshells trying not to "trigger old feelings", this is undermining your confidence and exaggerating the simp behavior.

You want to be fair, you want to compromise and find common ground in terms of places you go and how you spend time together, but in the end, you need to take the lead like she's telling you to. Shoulder the burden; it is yours to bear.

Stugotsv10 · Wednesday at 1:23 PM

Makes perfect sense!!!

excelnelg · Wednesday at 2:41 PM

Dude, you be you.

Stugotsv10 · Wednesday at 2:51 PM

its weird because with her I feel like I Want to cater more which is really NOT me or not my nature.

Systemlord · Thursday at 12:29 PM

Stugotsv10 said:
So I been with my girl for 5 years, she was mis treated by ex's sooo I try to make up for that, I spoil her, do everything for her humanly possible shes a great girl and deserves every bit of it.

Putting this woman on a pedestal is a countdown to the end of the relationship!

Hypergamy needs to be satisfied for a woman to "feel" attracted to you. Once the attraction is lost, respect is gone and women start to become more distant. She will check out emotionally first, and you'll notice intimacy will decrease over time and then months or years later she will leave you, even if you have children and a stable life together.

Because you're doing everything possible for this woman, you're a man without a purpose (low survival) and after awhile your woman, she'll start asking herself questions on a subconscious level. She can't help it, she's a woman. She will start asking herself why does this man do so much for me. Am I better than him, can I do better.

Now Hypergamy is no longer satisfied.

Men who lead, make the decisions get compliance from woman. Suggest things for her to do to make your life easier. This is the language of woman.

I naturally attract young women focusing on myself. I don't go looking for a relationship. It finds me and I still focus on myself, not her. There will be times when she gets no attention from me. I will give it to her on occasion, keeping her on her toes.

She never knows when the attention is coming and when it does, it's like being addicted to a drug, she wants more. Then comes the withdrawal -> women need to miss you in order to love you.

This is what it means for a man to have a purpose. Women fall in love with this kind of man, even if he doesn't make a lot of money.

Adam, tend to your garden, Eve will tend to you. Also, never listen to what a woman says she wants, it's a trap for weak men.

Look up Casey Zander on You Tube.