hey buddy, i really appreciate your response. a brother in misery indeed. i read my own story in your post. i'm also here for your support, feel free to reach out at any time.
what's even more interesting is that i am also a Kratom user. I'm only using it to help me with anxiety and initially after i herniated a disk in my neck ~2 years ago. (i was deathly afraid of going on opiates, i know myself well enough... and i would be done if i went that route).
granted it's not really a cure for anything, but even if i'm getting some placebo and some relief of this horrible panic, i'll take it.
today is a little better. i know that TRT can work, i have felt quite good (even recently), better than i have in years. last few days was a set back, but i'm determined to keep fighting ... i'm in constant communication with my doc, who's been amazingly responsive and helpful. I'm really blessed to find a caring person and not just an MD with a nice diploma.
i sincerely wish you to start getting better soon. there is hope. get those labs done... man you should have seen me at my last lab work. i was sweating bullets, my face was a nice shade of green, i really didn't think i would walk out of that place. i did. and lived and still here today. it's bizarre, but i also had (sometimes sill have) "difficulty" leaving the house. never in my life was i so anxious about simply walking outside or driving to the store. some days i can't even imagine driving and probably it's a good thing. definitely should not be on the road in this shape.
like they say "if you are going through hell, then don't stop and keep going!". thank you for your reply, it's awesome to know that i am not "alone" in this. please keep me posted on your progress. strength, willpower, discipline and a little luck! let's do it.
Well brother I just drove myself 4 miles to get my blood drawn! Like yourself I'm amazed that I somehow managed to go considering how deathly ill I feel! I try to avoid my neighbors like the plague these days however somehow managed to tell most of them that I'm going through "Benzo W/D", and then proceed to tell them how many people die from such each and every day! In addition to them not thinking I was ignoring them I wanted them to understand the seriousness of the situation!
They all seem to be extremely understanding however there is no possible way one can understand seeing me for (IE) two weeks ago going to the beach for a week straight to once again "Agoraphobic"! I have been told it's not true Agorphobia as not only is it "W/D related", but all tends to come and go which isn't the case with true agoraphobia.
Like yourself I have trouble going to the store however it appears that when "I'm in a fasted state", it makes things a tad easier. I managed to go the store with my son after getting my blood work done however it was an extremely "Tense", jaw clenching, teeth grinding experience! When I do drive I try to go late at night when possible! I can't help but ask how many folks that live around me are going through this or something similar right now?
I see allot of "Males", when cruising the message boards on sites such as Benzobuddies, and Youtube still feeling deathly ill
"Three years post benzo taper"! Maybe I'm wrong however it appears predominately more females then males pull through all things "Benzo W/D", faster? Could this possibly be attributed to men needing more "Testosterone", in order to feel well both physically and mentally? It just seems like in my experience that women's endocrine systems / Central nervous systems bounce back faster especially "Post Menopausal Women", who may perhaps already be taking hormones to manage their menopause?
I have had people tell me "Well your 42 years old now your body might not jump back as fast this time around"? My rebuttal to aforementioned statement goes a little something like this! The most prestigious "Bodybuilding Title", in the world was won by no other then Shaun Rhoden, last month! Mr Rhoden, just so happens to be 43 years old...Wow imagine that!
All we have is each other my friend as "Were basically the ones pioneering this entire thing", as conventional or western medicine offers little to no help! I'm glad your feeling quite good recently as it appears you have somehow managed to put certain pieces of the puzzle together! Lets keep this going brother as not only will we be helping ourselves but even more importantly countless men all over the world! I certainly don't see this problem getting any smaller with an estimated 900,000 new RXs for Benzo's written every year do you?
Nice to hear your taking Kratom! I take quality "Organically Tested Kratom" which helps with the physical pain (IE) burning legs, joint pain, muscle pain, etc however unfortunately does very little with respect to my overall sense of well being)-: I could argue however that a quality "Red Bali" strain at times both calms me down as well as enables me to sleep more times then not(-: I miss taking my Kratom with "Grapefruit Juice", however feel at the current time following a 16:8 or 20:4 intermittent fasting protocol is more important!
In closing hang in there bud and please let me know if you need anything? Please stay in contact with me and let me know how things are going for you! Once again thank you for reaching out to me as I have been hopelessly losing faith with each and every passing day! When I started this journey I was hoping that somehow perhaps when I was finally off all of the RX drugs I would feel better. Well that time has come and gone and I now feel worse then ever before!
Cheers,
RC