When Depression Strikes

[CoastWatcher]

In July of 2018 I was six months past my 60th birthday and enjoying a Canadian summer, looking forward to a number of trips my wife and I had planned. By the end of August I had lost three friends to death and saw my own health being threatened. By September, always a wonderful month in Toronto, I had - essentially - pulled the blankets over my head and was sinking into depression. It happened quickly.

Unlike so many people who encounter the black dog of depression, I realized I wasn't "right," but that made little difference. I had the support of my wife, and the concern of many, including @Nelson Vergel and @Dr Justin Saya MD here at EM. But I was just drifting away from activities (including a substantial involvement as a moderator here at EM), putting one foot in front of the other. I turned away from so very many.

I did emerge.

A good therapist. A kind primary care physician. A spouse who loves me. But many who have those resources never walk out of the fog. I am humbled by what I experienced. My friends, every man and woman I know, waited for me. I thank all of them.

Each of these men and women have asked me what they could have done. Should someone you care about start slipping away, please know that all you can do is all you can do. I knew I was loved and cared for. They may not have known it, in fact they may have doubted my gratitude, but they made a world of difference.

Depression...so much we still don't know.

 

[Vince Carter]

I talked to Nelson a couple of times but had nothing to reach out to you outside of the forum. I'm glad you're back, you were missed here, your absence was really noticeable to me, you're the steady hand on the wheel guiding the forum.

 

[CoastWatcher]

I talked to Nelson a couple of times but had nothing to reach out to you outside of the forum. I'm glad you're back, you were missed here, your absence was really noticeable to me, you're the steady hand on the wheel guiding the forum.

Very kind words, @Vince Carter; thank you.

I reached a point I quit responding to people, including @Nelson Vergel. I knew they cared...I didn't.

I thank God it lifted.

 

[Vince]

Thanks for writing your story. We all missed you greatly and are happy that you're doing better. I have lost a couple of friends due to depression. It's a terrible disease. Glad you're back friend.

 

[CoastWatcher]

Thanks for writing your story. We all missed you greatly and are happy that you're doing better. I have lost a couple of friends due to depression. It's a terrible disease. Glad you're back friend.

Your post means a great deal to me, @Vince. Thank you for your support.

 

[Nelson Vergel]

As Vince Carter said, you are the steady hand that keeps this site balanced. We missed you a lot and it was hard not knowing how you were for a while. Like you, I hide in a corner like a dog licking its wounds until the darkness passes. Sometimes it takes a long time to process why we feel a certain way, especially in men that are used to helping others and being the rock for all around them. We need to take care of each other and reach out. No one likes to be in a dark space, but sometimes we just need time for ourselves to come out of that space hopefully stronger and wiser.

For me, daily self-care sometimes drops in priority. I am trying to remind myself that we can't be there for others if we do not take of myself.

Coastwatcher, I hope you know that you are appreciated here and that a bunch of us feel like we have become virtual buddies. Too bad that we all cannot hang out as normal humans can!

 

[CoastWatcher]

As Vince Carter said, you are the steady hand that keeps this site balanced. We missed you a lot and it was hard not knowing how you were for a while. Like you, I hide in a corner like a dog licking its wounds until the darkness passes. Sometimes it takes a long time to process why we feel a certain way, especially in men that are used to helping others and being the rock for all around them. We need to take care of each other and reach out. No one likes to be in a dark space, but sometimes we just need time for ourselves to come out of that space hopefully stronger and wiser.

For me, daily self-care sometimes drops in priority. I am trying to remind myself that we can't be there for others if we do not take of myself.

Coastwatcher, I hope you know that you are appreciated here and that a bunch of us feel like we have become virtual buddies. Too bad that we all cannot hang out as normal humans can!

I am very grateful for your friendship, @Nelson Vergel. ExcelMale has given me so much..,as have you.

 

[Dr Justin Saya MD]

Very happy to see you back CoastWatcher and impressed by the courage to share your story!

 

[CoastWatcher]

Your kindness and support mean a great deal, @Dr Justin Saya MD. Thank you.

 

[Leesto]

Good to see you back! I always enjoyed your posts and am looking forward to more of them. All the best brother.

 

[CoastWatcher]

Good to see you back! I always enjoyed your posts and am looking forward to more of them. All the best brother.

Thank you for the warm words, @Leesto. I'm very happy to be here again!

 

[Deleted member 16042]

Glad to hear, it sounds like you are out of it, and glad you are posting again! Welcome back!

 

[Tommy Wall]

CoastWatcher did you manage to get out of your depression without medication?

 

[CoastWatcher]

CoastWatcher did you manage to get out of your depression without medication?

Yes, @Tommy Wall.

I knew what was driving the depression. My therapist knew, or thought so, as did my primary care doctor. We agreed that if things were not improving by X we'd look at SSRI possibilities. They did.

 

[Tommy Wall]

I wish I would had gone to a good therapist instead of starting with Lexapro 10 year ago. At that time it was a life saving medication. I was completly a nerv wreck after years of business stress. I hit last economic recession badly and I just couldn´t find any solution (which I did anyway). Anyway what I wanted to say is that not long time ago I ran out of my medication and I was feeling fine and I thought "god I want to get off this stuff" after 3-4 days feeling just fine I woke up one morning around five and it was like I was taking the elevator from the top flor in skyscraper down to the very basement. It was the darkest place I´ve been to and there was no hope anymore etc.. I quickly took my medication and after sometime I was back on my feet.
This story tells me that always give therapy a change first before starting off with antidepressant - which I didn´t.

 

[CoastWatcher]

Glad to hear, it sounds like you are out of it, and glad you are posting again! Welcome back!

I am glad to be posting again! Many thanks, @Blackhawk, for your greeting.

 

[CoastWatcher]

I wish I would had gone to a good therapist instead of starting with Lexapro 10 year ago. At that time it was a life saving medication. I was completly a nerv wreck after years of business stress. I hit last economic recession badly and I just couldn´t find any solution (which I did anyway). Anyway what I wanted to say is that not long time ago I ran out of my medication and I was feeling fine and I thought "god I want to get off this stuff" after 3-4 days feeling just fine I woke up one morning around five and it was like I was taking the elevator from the top flor in skyscraper down to the very basement. It was the darkest place I´ve been to and there was no hope anymore etc.. I quickly took my medication and after sometime I was back on my feet.
This story tells me that always give therapy a change first before starting off with antidepressant - which I didn´t.

I think it all depends on so many factors. I knew why I was depressed: friends had died, and my own health was threatened by an unexpected flare of some long dormant problems. I reacted to that; I slipped into the grip of depression. My doctor, who manages my TRT protocol, and the therapist, both said it was "Situational Depression" A combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and strong, strong emotional support was thought to be sufficient - as a first, good-faith effort. It was.

It's not that SSRIs are "bad" drugs. I believe in many cases they are life-savers. But the decision to hold off, though certainly not without risk, was the right one in this case.

 

[madman]

Welcome back Coastwatcher, glad to hear you are back and in a better place now.

Excel was and would not be the same without you as your passion to help others through your guidance, insight and mild mannered nature are truly appreciated!

You were the first to welcome me with open arms when I started my journey and I will always be grateful for the that.

Just know that I and many are thankful for having you as a moderator here as you are in a class of your own.

Much respect to you always.

 

[Deleted member 16042]

I too have been through multiple rounds of situational depression also related to people passing and health problems. I went through several years of being knocked down multiple times from cardiac/stent, then statin damage leading to wasting, then hormones plummeting. Combinations of counseling, biofeedback, CBT and especially meditation, both mindfulness and working with some Buddhist concepts regarding impermanence and how to recognize and work the differences between pain and suffering have helped.

Everyone goes through these things to some degree, and especially the situational type of depression is quite normal, but there are not generally great instructions on how to cope in the western mindset. Meditation is helping me come to grips with aging, the folly of many self expectations and how they result in inner turmoil, and how the more superficial monkey mind really is not the essence of who we are, nor does it need to constantly run our lives. Not there yet, but working on burning away some of the less desirable aspects of ego which get in the way of mental health.

And, I still have ongoing difficulties, especially when adjust hormone doses. but when they are stable, I am much more mentally stable also.

I think there are many modalities that can help.

 

[CoastWatcher]

Welcome back Coastwatcher, glad to hear you are back and in a better place now.

Excel was and would not be the same without you as your passion to help others through your guidance, insight and mild mannered nature are truly appreciated!

You were the first to welcome me with open arms when I started my journey and I will always be grateful for the that.

Just know that I and many are thankful for having you as a moderator here as you are in a class of your own.

Much respect to you always.

Thank you, @madman. It's good to be back. You are very kind.