After skimming through this thread, here are some quick suggestions.
Low dose Cialis (5-7mg per day) seems like a no-brainer given the other health benefits it has. Promoting consistent NO is good on many levels. There is another thread on here about it.
Erections are at least partially the result of overall health. Get the book Perfect Health Diet and do exactly what it says.
Many people find at least a gram a day of Vitamin C to be helpful.
Develop a mindset of doing whatever it takes to get your erections back when needed by any means necessary, and then you can experiment with weaning off of things, but only after you are in a good place. Rebuilding your confidence is essential.
Eradicate from your thinking the idea that you should be “ashamed” to take something. Should Type One diabetics be ashamed to inject insulin? Of course not and the admonition against judging also applies to yourself. We are all on our own journey and we need to focus on the future and supporting each other, and on not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. It is fine to look for root causes but not at the expense of rejecting things that can help in the meantime.
Get with a good clinic like
Defy.
Read the thread “ultimate adrenergic control of erections”. It is a book-length thread that is only available on the wayback machine but is linked in another thread on this site related to Doxazosin which will hopefully appear via search. It should give you some perspective on what some other people have had to go through and the complexity of what’s involved.
Nightime erections is a very positive sign.
Anxiety is a major problem in your situation and that is where the Viagra-esque products will be a major help. Instead of feeling bad about using them, give thanks that they exist; before 1998 or so it was not an option. You also always have the nuclear option to fall back on which is Bimix/Trimix but those can be dangerous and with your history of not paying close attention to dosage, I would stay away from them for now. The most difficult factor in your situation is finding a hot partner who you resonate with and with whom you can rebuild you confidence, and you want to have all the possible tools at your disposal when that situation arrives. Fixing yourself at all is a challenge, let alone doing so with a limited set of tools.
Regarding hormones, it can take a long time for the affect of increases in T levels to build up and your early success with sustanon says there is a sweet spot where you will function normally, but it is often a long journey to find it. Low dose (e.g. 12 mg every other day) of Clomid is a good place to start, but work with someone like
Defy.
I find low-dose PT-141 to give a nice boost. It is related to the melanocortin system and getting 20 minutes or so of full-body mid-day sun is essential as well.
Regarding exercise, you will want to avoid anything that can provoke systemic overtraining or excess cortisol (stress). Do some form of moderate aerobic exercise 6 days a week and some form of HIIT one day a week ( I suggest sled work if you have access to one but sprinting works as well.) This is essential for vascular health. If you lift weights, avoid doing sets to failure and back down to two days per week at most.
Ok, hang in there. Sites like this one have numerous stories of people who righted their ship, but it is often not easy or quick (you’re trying to self-manage a very delicate process that the body has had millions of years to fine-tune.)