Hey. First time poster here.
I'm in a very similar situation as you but I'm the husband. My wife and I moved in with each other in late 2013 and married June 2014. Right when I moved in the problems started. Grumpy, no sex drive, just feeling acky, hot flashes, etc.. After many fights I went to check my T and it was around 166. My primary doctor put me on compounded T because at the time pharm. gels were expensive even with insurance. It might me feel better for a week then nothing. We had more fights and arguments. So I went to see a urologist.
Tested lower again. I was put on Clomid. 12.5 ED. I felt like complete crap for the first 6 weeks. I don't know how long your husband has been on it but it did take a while to feel better. My T got to upper 300s but still no increase in sex drive and more fights. My doctor retired and I went to another one. He put me on 50 ED. My levels went to low 400s.
As far as Clomid goes, I felt better. I was lifting weights 3 to 4 times a week. I didn't feel achy. The side effects of low T went away except for the sex drive. We would have sex maybe once or twice a week which let to more fights. So I saw a new urologist.
He put me on Cialis (compounded by
Empower Pharmacy since name brand is ridiculously expensive). It gave me more confidence in performing but once again sex drive stayed low. We had another argument and I am now on TRT. 100 MG Testosterone Cyp. shot once a week which I started about a week ago. I felt good on the first 5 days but crashed on the 6th. It's like my body craves sleep and food now. So I don't know if that is a good thing but like Clomid I have to give it time.
Is your husband against TRT? If it has been a while on Clomid (at least 6 weeks) and no improvement then I think TRT is the way to go. I really didn't want to give myself shots every week but it's not too bad. I use to give myself allergy shots.
Of course, children are important in this subject. The reason I was on Clomid was to preserve fertility but now my wife is getting a partial hysterectomy for health reasons which is another reason for the change to shots. We have no kids and really don't want to have any. In about a month we won't have a choice to have our own children anyways. If he change our minds then adoption is in our future which fine with us because there are so many children out there that need a loving home. Would you and your husband be happy with adoption?
Also, has he gotten his cholesterol levels checked? I think there is a link but I can't be sure but ever since my triglycerides have been high, I have been having T issues. I recently got my levels checked right before I started my shots. Triglycerides were 288, HDL was low, but LDL was fine which makes no sense. I can't lose weight even when I eat around 2000 calories a day and go to the gym. I feel like I'm starving myself and nothing changes but on the flip side I can eat whatever and not gain. I'm a little overweight but have a big frame and muscles to go with the fat. I feel like it all has to be connected.
Metabolic syndrome and low T go hand in hand. Of course, to fix metabolic syndrome you have to lose weight but that's hard when the scale almost never moves. Some are lucky and do TRT, get their weight down, then come off TRT to restart their natural T. Maybe your husband could be a lucky one and be like that.
Anyways, I hope this helps you. You are not alone. Other couples have and are experiencing this. My wife says she feels like she never got the honeymoon phase of our marriage which is a crappy feeling to have.
Whatever you two decide whether to continue Clomid or go TRT just know there are no magic bullets. It's going to take time. I just started the shots and I'm having issues to start out. It might also be from coming off Clomid and Cialis but who knows? Like the Clomid I have to give it time.